Dust go to sleep...

A couple nights ago my dear sweet Lulu was up every hour.  Seriously, every. single. hour.  And to throw in some "Make sure you really didn't get any shut-eye" into the mix, Cy also woke 2 times :-)

Well, I then had an entire day of cleaning to get ready for my amazing Stop'N'Shop.  So, to the day of cleaning while having a sore throat and runny nose - WHOO! Stop'N'Shop was fun and long :-) Bed - nope! Baby up... DH grumpy... Mama tired.  It turned out to be a long evening of "who is taking baby" and "what are we missing, why won't she sleep... why can't she sleep... why is she still crying... WHAT do we do?!??!"

Well, this morning I was feeling very very low about everything.  I mean, let's be honest - when you are getting MAYBE 4 hours of sleep a night for the last 4 months and virtually ZERO breaks each day because kids do NOT nap together (Well at least a reflux baby doesn't... she doesn't hardly nap unless being held) - spirits are running on fumes.  I am running on fumes.  Enter Whitney! :-)

She came to pick up her stuff from the night before (Check out her website) & while she is packing up and I am nursing - she says something, I respond, and she turns around to me sobbing.  Because lets face it - sometimes all we need to do is cry.  And that's what I did.  I cried.  About my feelings of failing as a mom.  Because I cannot seem to make my sweet angel happy.  Because Cy is so affected by her screaming all the time.  Because my marriage is affected by the constant pull for attention with a reflux baby and a needy toddler.  Because I am EXHAUSTED beyond anything I've ever felt.  Because I'm getting sick.  Because I just want to be a good mom, a good wife, and good friend, a good daughter to God.  Nothing is ever enough.  I am always writing lists of things I need to get better at.  Maybe if I was a better friend, I'd have better friends or maybe if I love Cy more, he'd stop hitting other kids and Lulu or maybe if I just give myself 5 more minutes of cleaning - the house would be cleaner.  It's never ending.  Go look at my mirror in my dining room right now - I have a "THings to get better at" and a LONG list that I wrote out during nap time. 
- Do more crafts with Cy
- Be sure to brush Cy's teeth 2 times a day
- Learn more about Arbonne (This is actually a fun one!)
- Make more time to read the Bible
- Get calendar and schedule 1-on-1 time with Cy, Lu, DH, and God
- Make cleaning schedule and stick to it
- Make food journal and figure out WHY Lulu is refluxing still

See... never good enough.  And while rocking a screaming baby girl for 1 1/2 hours tonight while running toddler back to bed every 5 minutes... again - what am I doing wrong... what am I missing.  But then I got on my blogger and read my friend's blog and she sent everyone to this link, and it touched my heart.  I am breathing easier.  Not completely better.  I still need to let go and let God... but I am breathing better.


Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth


empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

hang out the washing and butter the bread,

sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.



Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue

(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due

(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew

and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo

but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?

(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).



The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,

for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.





by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton