I am only saying this because I want to be honest and open. I want other moms out there, who are feeling the same, to know they are NOT alone! For very very often, I feel alone. I feel like this increased anxiety that is so over-bearing at times that I cannot breath is only me - that no one else feels it. That can't be the case. Others have gone from 1 to 2 kids before - and if not the going from 1 to 2 - others have had a baby and had the hormone crazies that I am feeling. I want you to know that others share that and you are NOT alone. I am here if anyone needs to talk, need a hug, or needs to vent. I guess this is also a way of asking for help. I hate asking for help. I hate taking help. And truth be told, I will probably not take help in a physical sense... but prayers are appreciated, for sure. Friendship is appreciated above all else. But (ha) I also do not need hand-outs. I do not want people who really have no interest in being my friend, trying to be a friend because they feel bad for me. (One reason I didn't want to share this...)
I am taking steps to taking back my happiness, my restfulness, my enthusiasm. I tell Ash over and over again "I hate this because I am happy in my heart. I feel fulfilled - in my heart. I feel over-the-top elated with my 2 beautiful, wonderful, amazing kids - but in my head, with my hormones - I feel like I should be crying". So this month I am taking time to figure it all out, to get out of this and to reclaim myself! :-) I'll try and blog about it - but for me, this is very very personal and something that has been very hard to write. For I feel it makes me a weak person. But I am not weak. I am going off 4, maybe 5 hours of sleep a night for LITERALLY the last 6 months. And I have had a husband working over-time for the last month and a half so have had hardly no help (minus the amazing grandparents that have helped so much lately!). I am strong. I have to remind myself of that but also I want to be honest and truthful. If I can help one other person with depression - I want to.
Ha, and to think I labeled this "Happy 6 months Lulu" ;-) NOW on to My sweet Angel who has captured every part of my heart and won't let go!!
- Last week at the doctor you weighed 18 pounds - we will get a better measurement of you on Tuesday at your 6 month check-up :-)
- You are rolling everywhere. I love it!
- At around 20 weeks you found your toes! Love this! Cy never found his - so I get a kick out of watching you eat your toes :-)
- You laugh, belly laugh, when Cy runs around acting crazy. It is good for Cy because he gets away with it, just so I can hear you laugh
- You are eating solids at night - but they do not sit well with you. I have tried 3 or 4 different kinds - all different consistencies and nothing is working. You scream and cry for hours after... We are going to doctor on Tuesday and will figure out the next move with that. I think you are just a sensitive sweet cheeks with a sensitive stomach.
- You had a tough month with double ear infection, thrush, fevers, and reflux. You are pulling on your ears again - but I hope it's nothing and we can get you all better!
- You have the sweetest, most captivating smile I have EVER seen! You are adorable and love smiling at daddy. You have daddy wrapped! I have never seen the man so smitten by such a small baby before ;-)
- Your 1st Christmas was amazing and you got some great gifts from so many people. You are very very loved Lulu Bear!
I love you to pieces - I seriously feel sooooo much more complete with you in our family. It's crazy - I have heard women saying they feel "complete" with kids and all - but I never understood it until you came along. Ask daddy. Just walking into a store, the 4 of us - I cannot help but smile at the amount of awe and wonder and happiness I have in my heart just because there is 4 of us. So amazing! You are a blessing to us and we love you so very very much sweet baby girl!
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| Trying Green beans for the first time |
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| Rolling into the Presents |
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