Advice...

In just the last few days, here are some of the things I have been told/heard:

"If someone asks me one more time if he naps, I'm going to scream" ;-)
"I already hear so many options (on parenting)... it's amazing how quickly you can feel guilty..."

This has solidified how I feel so many times throughout the day.  I have a rather strong-willed child.  He constantly keeps me on my toes.  It gets extremely frustrating when people who hardly know him (Notice I said HARDLY... for I appreciate all my close friends and family trying to help and throwing ideas at me... at least y'all know him well enough to do that) try and give me advice about his behavior.  He is a unique child and has NEVER followed norms or what most books have said to do... on anything.  So because of that, I have learned to NEVER judge! You never, ever, EVER know what a mom is going through with her own child/pregnancy/journey.  While advice is amazing, and can be helpful - there is one thing we need to understand: We cannot get hurt and start attacking one's parenting when they choose NOT to follow our advice! It is there child, their journey, their choice.

Ok! I heard you - if you don't make the baby cry it out, I will be exhausted for months and months and months.  Yet, STILL, I choose exhaustion because the CIO method has NEVER worked for me.  I could go on for pages on advice that doesn't work for my type of parenting... but I'll spare you ;-)

Now, I will give my top 10 advices in a few... but just one more rant before I call it a day:

We are all mothers or fathers.  We all have hard days.  We all have trials and have amazing victories (You know, when your kid is in bed before 11pm and did not scream his head off for 3 hours... what? That never happened with your perfect angel... Oh... HA! I guess I was talking about my crazed kid then....).  We are parents and we are on this journey together.  We need support and love.  We don't need constant criticism.  We don't need to feel guilty when we choose our own way of parenting over yours.  To each their own.  We are all doing a WONDERFUL and PERFECT job, according to what we think is wonderful and perfect.  And guess what, that's all we can do! We can give advice, throw out studies of why one thing is better than other... but at the end of the day, each parent MUST choose for themselves what to do and not do.  So let's stand next to each other.  Let's support.  Let's love.  Let's encourage.  Let's PRAY for each other.  Let's hug.  Let's Play date.  But please, let's stop giving guilt trips or hidden messages about one's "failure" as a parent because they didn't do exactly what YOU wanted them to do.  It's their child/ren... their way :-)

OK! My top 10 advices

1. SWADDLE - I did not know this with Cy but swaddling is amazing and such a life-saver! For new moms out there, swaddle is the only word you need to know the first couple weeks ;-)
2. Keep the room dark at night.  With Cy, the first month, I would dim the lights at night, thinking I needed to see.  Well, Cy REALLY switched his days and nights then, it was HORRIBLE.  With Lu, I kept a dark room and she was trained in 2 weeks.  Yay!
3. Potty Train in a week.  Stay home, get it done in a week and then you're good to go! It gives the child a great chance to get a hang of it too.  Also, if they don't get it in a week - they aren't ready! Try again later.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  Move on....
4. Breastfeed! I am a HUGE advocate of breastfeeding.  The bond you have with your child is amazing! The nutrition and all the good you are doing for their brains and their bodies is undeniable! I know some moms cannot breastfeed and for you - bottle! But don't give up after 2 tries - my first 3 months with Cy were HORRIBLE.  HORRIBLE I say.  but it was well worth it to stick in.  If anyone needs help, I'd love to chat and help out ;-)
5. Each baby is different - don't expect the same thing from baby 2 that you got from baby 1
6. Give lots and lots of hugs.  The dishes can wait, and often do in this house... Kids are only kids for so long
7. For new moms, find a mom's group and join ASAP! It will really help with the transition of having a new baby and you get so much great advice and help!
8. Don't move your child from a crib to a toddler bed ;-) hahaha - this is only because Cy is horrible with a big boy bed ;-)
9. UNDERSTAND the some days are just pure CRAP! Some days there is NOTHING to enjoy about motherhood except for the night time when all is still and quiet in the house... and that's ok
10.  KNOW that all moms cry, all moms scream, all moms yell.  Take a breath, pray, sing... do what you need and get back at it ;-)

Mommy-sense

My doctor told me yesterday that Lulu is being spoiled and doesn't need to eat at night, and doesn't need to be held so often.  But I left, thinking "If this is true, why does everything thing in my being tell me otherwise?".  It's hard as a mom to make the decision you think is the right one.  Especially when circumstances are less than perfect.  It's hard enough trying to figure out if you should give the baby a Born Free bottle or Dr. Brown bottle.  Swaddle blanket or Miracle blanket.  Canned baby food or homemade baby food.  Similac or Target Brand formula.  7 pm bedtime or 8 pm bedtime.  See? Hard decisions! ;-)

What I am finding even harder is that there is STILL unknowns.  This is my 2nd kid - I knew with Cy that he was just hungry at night and he ate through the night until he was 7 or 8 months old.  I didn't want to push him to stop - I knew he would stop on his own.  So with Lulu I try and have the same approach.  But tonight as we were leaving the house, she was screaming and very very upset.  The MOMENT I would touch her - she's stop and go to sleep.  Then upon removing my hand - screams.  It crept in that she is spoiled.  She is spoiled rotten! All night she cried.  Spoiled Rotten.  I got home and fed her and she cried even more.  Spoiled Spoiled Spoiled! Then came the screaming.  And the projectile spit-up and the arching back.  Spoiled...?????? More spit-up, spit-up through the nose.  Screaming.  Definitely NOT spoiled...? Right?

At times of uncertainty, I need... WE need... to rely on our mommy-sense.  God gave us our mommy-sense for a reason! That is our commonsense! We know our baby better than ANYONE and we need to do what is right for OUR baby.  SO, I am going to stand firm that Lulu isn't spoiled... for the most part ;-) And that her reflux is still getting the best of her.  And I am going to block out all distracting, demoralizing comments about how she should be sleeping through the night or shouldn't be held so much.  I am going to do the best I can do for my baby girl because at the end of the day, that's all I can do. 

That's all any mama can do.  So mamas out there - if you are having a hard time, a hard night, a hard week or a hard year - do what YOU can do and do what YOU think is right! Potty-training at 4 years old - GO FOR IT! It's your kid, you know them the best! Baby eating every three hours through the night at 10 months old - GO FOR IT! It's your kid! To home school or private school or public school or boarding school - GO FOR IT! It's your kid!  Whatever dilemma you are faced with, throw away the guilt, ignore the comments and advice and listen to your MOMMY-SENSE - it's there for a reason! ;-)