I'm not sure what to blog about. I have been thinking on it all day now and have decided to just sit... and write. I began this blog to help me express myself and since I am no longer on facebook - it's an outlet for me.
This last week has been tough. It's so hard to write about the toughness of my week because I know so many out there who have harder weeks than me. Yet at this moment, I feel like I can't breath. I am so beyond exhausted and worn down - emotionally, physically, mentally. I don't think I ever understoodd what being worn down emotionally was until I had a 2 year old boy cry ALL DAY LONG and test EVER boundary known to man ALL DAY LONG. I don't think I ever understood what being worn down physically was until I had a 3 month old, 16 pound baby who cries and needs to be rocked or chasing after a toddler and then grocery shopping with the baby in moby and toddler throwing everything into the cart. Or getting 2 hours of sleep total last night due to the kids switching off "night duty" ;-) I don't think I ever understood being mentally exhausted until I had a baby who cries ALL the time it seems, a husband who is going to school on one of his days off and has been working 6 days a week for the last 2 weeks, being without a MNO or a good break from the kids in over 2 months.
REVERSE ;-) Because there is always a reverse. While I am exhausted mentally - I have never been so mentally aware and excited! My hubby is getting his degree and going places! My baby girl is crying and can cry. I have kids to need a break from - and BEAUTIFUL kids at that! :-) While I am exhausted emotionally - I have a son who is so head-strong and stubborn, he will go far in life! Those characteristics are needed in a strong man and he definitely has them!While I am exhausted physically - I have a strong back and able arms to hold my pumpkin, I have money to grocery shop each week and push the cart full of food. I have 2 sweet kids who I GOT to snuggle with last night - giving me those precious moments to smell their hair and touch their soft baby skin... for soon that will all be gone and just a memory.
So while I am exhausted and am at the verge of tears - I am also overwhelmed with how blessed I am! I am soooo blessed and if this exhaustion is the price I have to pay for my life - DONE! I will wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed and ready to start another week. I need God's strength, but I know He will provide and I will get to have another week of watching my kid develop his strong personality and another week of smelling my sweet baby girl's hair while she cries ;-)
Aww Sariah I always feel the need to let you know that I truly look up to you. Raising a toddler is hard enough and your doing that PLUS raising a fussy baby. You're doing an amazing job and I know I would not be able to handle myself the way you do...and you do it with a smile and all the positiveness in the world despite how difficult your days AND nights are. Hang in there girl; things will get better!
ReplyDeleteThis is SO encouraging!! That's right ... this will all be a little blip in our memory when these kids are old and gone. I just praise God I even have children and I really don't want to regret how I spent my day or how I thought about my days when I look back. Thanks for this honest and encouraging post!
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